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niki_chidon) wrote2008-04-14 10:02 pm
niki_chidon) wrote2008-04-14 10:02 pm
Fic: Nights of the Old Republic (13/?): On the Way to Tatooine (Carth/femRevan)
Title: Nights of the Old Republic (13/?): On the Way to Tatooine
Author: Niki
Fandom: SW:KotOR
Disclaimer: Still not mine.
Notes: I'm moving further away from the actual game dialogue but I still use it as the base. And I take creative licences with the floor plan of Ebon Hawk. Individual crew quarters, for example. Oh, and a couple of heads!;)
Previous parts: Prologue, Chapter 1, Interlude, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10 and Chapter 11
Chapter 12: On the Way to Tatooine
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
Shin should have known things would stay smooth with Carth for long. He had not been present with their final meeting with the Council, and apparently was still not fully satisfied with why Shin was present in this expedition. And, as always, that made all his protective instincts kick in, and... he attacked her with all his doubts.
"I thought we were in this together, then suddenly you come and tell me where to fly, and you obviously know more than you're telling – you and Bastila. You're part of 'them' now, the Jedi, and you start keeping things from the rest of them just like the rest of your kind!"
He ran his fingers through his hair before the last frustrated line: "I'm tired of no one telling me anything."
"Bastila and I have... a bond," Shin explained quietly.
"A... bond? You mean, a Force bond? You're tied together somehow? And this never came up in discussions? Dammit, I thought we were friends! Guess I was wrong. About a whole lot of things. I tell you this much, I'm not going to wait around until I'm betrayed again."
She had thought they'd moved beyond all that betrayal stuff, and built trust and a true friendship but apparently she had been wrong. She didn't know what to say to him and didn't want him to see how much his words hurt her. Since their last disagreement had been so easily solved she was emotionally unprepared for this.
"I... whatever. You fly this thing, and I go do the Jedi thing and meditate in my quarters."
o o o
Carth felt like banging his head against the controls. He really hadn't meant for it to come out quite like that. But just like in Taris, a seemingly small thing just made all his doubts flare up and... and he ended up hurting her.
Why, with all her Jedi-stoicism, didn't she seem able to hide her pain from him, he couldn't understand. It had radiated from her like... like something visible.
He debated with himself, argued with himself, and spent a generally unpleasant time in the cockpit before Bastila came to relieve him.
"I'm worried about Shin," she said. "She's blocking our bond."
"She can do that?" Carth asked, only vaguely aware what a link like that would entail from listening to fragments of conversations during their stay on Dantooine. (Many of those fragments made more sense now.)
"Apparently," Bastila replied. "She usually keeps me from sensing her emotions unless distracted or asleep but this... this feels like a wall."
"You check up on her a lot through the bond?"
It was not really an accusation but Bastila's flustered reply spoke of guilt. Carth didn't wait around to hear her stammered excuses but left in search of Shin.
The wall was his fault, he was sure of it. He made her doubt herself (and how did he have that kind of power over her?), he needed to make it better. Just how he was going to do that he didn't have a clue.
After knocking on her door for a minute with no reply he felt even more at loss. This had been so much easier with his wife. He acted like a jerk, he got flowers, things were fine. Where was he going to find flowers in a space ship? And why was he comparing this woman he didn't even trust to his wife?
But he did trust her. Didn't he? He just needed to convince her of that.
"Final warning, Shin Cidon! I am going to apologise, and I'm going to do it now, and there's nothing you can do to stop me."
Mission peeked round a corner, obviously curious about the shouting. Carth could swear she was suppressing a giggle when she disappeared out of sight.
"We have two options. Either you open this damn door, or I'll go on shouting, and everyone can witness our row. Now I don't know about you..."
The door opened just a fraction. He stepped in and Shin backed off, matching him step for step. Carth couldn't read her passive face. She was obviously trying to hide some strong emotion but he wasn't sure whether it was anger or sadness.
"I..." Now that he was here he didn't know what to say.
"I do trust you," is what came out instead of an apology. "It's just that I'm..."
"Paranoid?" Shin suggested.
"I deserve that," he conceded.
"You deserve much worse but I can't fight with you," she whispered, turning away.
Definitely sadness.
"All of these people are following you to this mission – no pun intended – not Bastila, not the Jedi Order, not me. You. They all believe in you."
"What about you? Do you believe in me?"
"I can't say I fully understand our task or its final meaning... but I know it's huge. And I know it will be worth it. And I know that for some reason you seem to be the key for it. The Jedi seem to think so, why else would they send you out here, fresh from training? I... Will you let me help you?"
She met his eyes with a serious stare. "Will you promise to work with me?"
"Yeah. Partners?" he offered her a shy smile and his hand.
She took it seemingly reluctantly, and he kicked himself mentally for putting that reserve there. Finally he gave in to the impulse and used their joined hands to pull her closer, to envelope her in a hug.
That was the closest they'd been to each other since sleeping together and at once his treacherous body misinterpreted her nearness. He could feel his heartbeat gain speed, and was sure she could feel it too. Unable to let go, he closed his eyes and chanted his own personal mantra: "Jedi are off-limits, Jedi are off-limits..."
Shin took a deep breath that pushed her body even closer to Carth's and he bit his lip. Then she gave him a final squeeze before letting go.
"I know apologies don't come easy to you. I appreciate them even more because of that," she said.
"I just wish I didn't always put myself in a position that requires apologies," he muttered, but not without humour, and was gratified to see her smile.
"Well, partner, feed me," she said, grinning suddenly.
"Me?"
"Hey, it's your fault I've been moping here for so long I missed Mission's lunch."
"Moping? I thought it was called meditating?" He grinned back, and offered his arm for her.
"It's a Jedi-thing, you wouldn't understand," she proclaimed haughtily, and let herself be led to the galley.
o o o
The rest of the journey was uneventful. Carth spent most of it flying, Shin divided her time between meditating, practising sabre techniques in the cargo hold with Bastila, practising hand-to-hand combat with Canderous, playing pazaak with Mission, and keeping Carth company in the cockpit.
She quite enjoyed herself. The only year of her life she could remember had been quite solitary, but she now came to a conclusion that she liked company. Friendship.
For a moment she rued the friendships she must have lost with her memory, then remembered the glimpses to violence she had recalled, and wondered whether she had actually had any friends.
Well, no use dwelling on it. She still found herself meditating on the subject a lot trying to force memories to surface but the only thing she seemed able to produce were more visions of Revan and Malak and... Bastila? The closer they got to Tatooine, the more the visions seemed to circle around the planet.
She saw the Star Map, in a... cave? Well, no doubt everything would become clear once they reached Tatooine.
--------------------
to be continued in Chapter 13
Author: Niki
Fandom: SW:KotOR
Disclaimer: Still not mine.
Notes: I'm moving further away from the actual game dialogue but I still use it as the base. And I take creative licences with the floor plan of Ebon Hawk. Individual crew quarters, for example. Oh, and a couple of heads!;)
Previous parts: Prologue, Chapter 1, Interlude, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10 and Chapter 11
Chapter 12: On the Way to Tatooine
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
Shin should have known things would stay smooth with Carth for long. He had not been present with their final meeting with the Council, and apparently was still not fully satisfied with why Shin was present in this expedition. And, as always, that made all his protective instincts kick in, and... he attacked her with all his doubts.
"I thought we were in this together, then suddenly you come and tell me where to fly, and you obviously know more than you're telling – you and Bastila. You're part of 'them' now, the Jedi, and you start keeping things from the rest of them just like the rest of your kind!"
He ran his fingers through his hair before the last frustrated line: "I'm tired of no one telling me anything."
"Bastila and I have... a bond," Shin explained quietly.
"A... bond? You mean, a Force bond? You're tied together somehow? And this never came up in discussions? Dammit, I thought we were friends! Guess I was wrong. About a whole lot of things. I tell you this much, I'm not going to wait around until I'm betrayed again."
She had thought they'd moved beyond all that betrayal stuff, and built trust and a true friendship but apparently she had been wrong. She didn't know what to say to him and didn't want him to see how much his words hurt her. Since their last disagreement had been so easily solved she was emotionally unprepared for this.
"I... whatever. You fly this thing, and I go do the Jedi thing and meditate in my quarters."
o o o
Carth felt like banging his head against the controls. He really hadn't meant for it to come out quite like that. But just like in Taris, a seemingly small thing just made all his doubts flare up and... and he ended up hurting her.
Why, with all her Jedi-stoicism, didn't she seem able to hide her pain from him, he couldn't understand. It had radiated from her like... like something visible.
He debated with himself, argued with himself, and spent a generally unpleasant time in the cockpit before Bastila came to relieve him.
"I'm worried about Shin," she said. "She's blocking our bond."
"She can do that?" Carth asked, only vaguely aware what a link like that would entail from listening to fragments of conversations during their stay on Dantooine. (Many of those fragments made more sense now.)
"Apparently," Bastila replied. "She usually keeps me from sensing her emotions unless distracted or asleep but this... this feels like a wall."
"You check up on her a lot through the bond?"
It was not really an accusation but Bastila's flustered reply spoke of guilt. Carth didn't wait around to hear her stammered excuses but left in search of Shin.
The wall was his fault, he was sure of it. He made her doubt herself (and how did he have that kind of power over her?), he needed to make it better. Just how he was going to do that he didn't have a clue.
After knocking on her door for a minute with no reply he felt even more at loss. This had been so much easier with his wife. He acted like a jerk, he got flowers, things were fine. Where was he going to find flowers in a space ship? And why was he comparing this woman he didn't even trust to his wife?
But he did trust her. Didn't he? He just needed to convince her of that.
"Final warning, Shin Cidon! I am going to apologise, and I'm going to do it now, and there's nothing you can do to stop me."
Mission peeked round a corner, obviously curious about the shouting. Carth could swear she was suppressing a giggle when she disappeared out of sight.
"We have two options. Either you open this damn door, or I'll go on shouting, and everyone can witness our row. Now I don't know about you..."
The door opened just a fraction. He stepped in and Shin backed off, matching him step for step. Carth couldn't read her passive face. She was obviously trying to hide some strong emotion but he wasn't sure whether it was anger or sadness.
"I..." Now that he was here he didn't know what to say.
"I do trust you," is what came out instead of an apology. "It's just that I'm..."
"Paranoid?" Shin suggested.
"I deserve that," he conceded.
"You deserve much worse but I can't fight with you," she whispered, turning away.
Definitely sadness.
"All of these people are following you to this mission – no pun intended – not Bastila, not the Jedi Order, not me. You. They all believe in you."
"What about you? Do you believe in me?"
"I can't say I fully understand our task or its final meaning... but I know it's huge. And I know it will be worth it. And I know that for some reason you seem to be the key for it. The Jedi seem to think so, why else would they send you out here, fresh from training? I... Will you let me help you?"
She met his eyes with a serious stare. "Will you promise to work with me?"
"Yeah. Partners?" he offered her a shy smile and his hand.
She took it seemingly reluctantly, and he kicked himself mentally for putting that reserve there. Finally he gave in to the impulse and used their joined hands to pull her closer, to envelope her in a hug.
That was the closest they'd been to each other since sleeping together and at once his treacherous body misinterpreted her nearness. He could feel his heartbeat gain speed, and was sure she could feel it too. Unable to let go, he closed his eyes and chanted his own personal mantra: "Jedi are off-limits, Jedi are off-limits..."
Shin took a deep breath that pushed her body even closer to Carth's and he bit his lip. Then she gave him a final squeeze before letting go.
"I know apologies don't come easy to you. I appreciate them even more because of that," she said.
"I just wish I didn't always put myself in a position that requires apologies," he muttered, but not without humour, and was gratified to see her smile.
"Well, partner, feed me," she said, grinning suddenly.
"Me?"
"Hey, it's your fault I've been moping here for so long I missed Mission's lunch."
"Moping? I thought it was called meditating?" He grinned back, and offered his arm for her.
"It's a Jedi-thing, you wouldn't understand," she proclaimed haughtily, and let herself be led to the galley.
o o o
The rest of the journey was uneventful. Carth spent most of it flying, Shin divided her time between meditating, practising sabre techniques in the cargo hold with Bastila, practising hand-to-hand combat with Canderous, playing pazaak with Mission, and keeping Carth company in the cockpit.
She quite enjoyed herself. The only year of her life she could remember had been quite solitary, but she now came to a conclusion that she liked company. Friendship.
For a moment she rued the friendships she must have lost with her memory, then remembered the glimpses to violence she had recalled, and wondered whether she had actually had any friends.
Well, no use dwelling on it. She still found herself meditating on the subject a lot trying to force memories to surface but the only thing she seemed able to produce were more visions of Revan and Malak and... Bastila? The closer they got to Tatooine, the more the visions seemed to circle around the planet.
She saw the Star Map, in a... cave? Well, no doubt everything would become clear once they reached Tatooine.
--------------------
to be continued in Chapter 13