Niki (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
niki_chidon) wrote2010-02-15 03:52 am
niki_chidon) wrote2010-02-15 03:52 am
Fic: Nights of the Old Republic 24/? (KotOR: femRevan/Carth)
Title: Nights of the Old Republic (24/?): Unmasking
Author: Niki
Fandom: SW: KotOR
Disclaimer: Still not mine.
Notes: I take some liberties with the dialogue and story lines... even some characters. This is called 'creative licence' aka 'so I didn’t remember the exact wording of that line' aka 'but it made no SENSE in the game'.
Previous parts: Prologue, Chapter 1, Interlude, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14, Chapter 15, Chapter 16, Chapter 17, Chapter 18, Chapter 19, Chapter 20, Chapter 21 and Chapter 22
Chapter 23: Unmasking
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
No... nonononono... it wasn't true, it couldn't be true!
Shin stared at the Sith in front of them, trying to make sense of his words. Even though a part of her mind was screaming in denial the analytical side of her was going through the evidence, all the small clues she really should have pieced together – and there was a bit of her, deep down, mocking her for not getting it sooner.
Her convenient memory loss, her re-learnt skills... the bond, Bastila's refusal to spell out what really happened to Revan during that last fight...
And the bit that really broke her heart? It was too much, too abstract to think about all the horrible things Revan had done. All she could think about was Carth. She'd finally earned his trust and then this. She'd never... He'd never recover from this. He would see it as a betrayal equalling that of Saul Karath's.
His distance since his final discussion with dying Saul made sense now. No wonder he had refused to talk to her or even walk close to her, no wonder he had looked at Bastila with anger in his eyes. Bastila had known, and had kept both of them in the dark.
It made sense she wasn't told, really. Of course it did. But that Bastila never shared the truth with Carth...
Did she blame her or the Jedi? She couldn't. What better way to defeat your enemy than by getting them to fight for your side? She couldn't fault them for that. Too much was at stake here. But the fact that they had kept it from Carth, causing him this pain of yet another betrayal...
What did it matter if Malak killed her now? What did she have to look forward to?
An image of Shaela Nuur came to her mind. This is what she had felt, like she had lost everything, like nothing was worth the effort of another breath anymore. But Carth wasn't dead. And he wouldn't die here if Shin could help it! She couldn't let her pain and loss distract her from what was important. She still needed to save the galaxy – for him.
"My name is Shin Cidon," she said quietly but clearly, hardly noticing the tears running down her face. "I am a Jedi. And I will stop you."
- - -
No one was there to witness their fight, Carth and Bastila in stasis behind them. Shin had been Malak's master, once. She had been a Jedi Knight, a Sith Lord. Even if she couldn't remember those days she knew she had the skills somewhere, and everyday they came back a little more.
She was winning.
Malak ran away, and she followed, engaging him again – then, out of nowhere, Bastila was there, being all noble and pushing her away.
Why would she be the one that needed to be saved? Bastila could find the Star Maps without her, if only she didn't...
"Bastila! No! I had him! Damn," she shouted her frustration, banging her fist against the door that had locked behind the fighting pair.
Then Carth was there, pulling her away.
"I was winning! Bastila has no chance!" she yelled, struggling out of his grip.
"This was her choice," he said grimly, dragging her towards their ship. "To sacrifice herself to save you! You will not waste it." He sounded like he couldn't understand the young Jedi's choice, and didn't approve at all.
Shin... Revan couldn't blame him.
- - -
Shin was numb by the time they reached the Hawk.
"Go," Carth commanded, grimly, making his way to the cockpit.
"What about Bastila?" Mission shouted after him.
"Go!"
Shin stood where Carth had left her, staring into the distance, hardly noticing the other people in the room. She was still in the same position when Carth returned after setting the ship on autopilot.
He looked at her for the first time since they had left the bridge of Leviathan and Shin winced at the amount of rage in his eyes. So like Dustil's, she mused. Rage and bitterness. Betrayal.
"They deserve to know the truth about you. Do you want to tell them what Malak said, or should I?" he asked coldly.
"I'll tell them," she whispered, lowering her gaze. Then, with a stronger voice, "I... I am, was Darth Revan."
She felt detached when cataloging people's reactions. Jolee was not surprised. He'd known. Juhani had suspected her true identity, most likely from her resemblance to the Jedi that once saved her. Mission... Mission was flabbergasted and loud.
"What? How is that possible?"
"When Bastila was part of the Jedi strike team that took down Revan... me, she used Force to keep... me alive. That created the bond. The shared visions... my hidden memories, or course." She closed her eyes, a tear escaping when she thought about all the lies she had been told. "My mind was... destroyed. The Jedi council planted a new identity, a new... me. They created 'Shin Cidon' to help them follow Revan's footsteps, to defeat Malak."
"Do you... remember anything about being Revan?" Mission asked.
"What I had thought were dreams and visions are obviously memories but...I feel no connection with those, no emotional response. I can't class them as memories, really. And beyond those... Nothing."
"Then it's okay, isn't it? I mean, if you don't remember anything about being Revan, then it doesn't really matter anymore. You are who you are now."
That was when Carth exploded, all the pain and feeling of betrayal pouring out. It was Canderous who came to her defence. "Everyone knows Malak gave the order about Telos." And Mission, faithful Mission, also joined in. "Whatever you used to be, you're one of us now!"
Maybe so, but who was responsible for Malak in the first place? Who had began all this? That thought only reminded Shin – she couldn't think of herself as anyone else – that they still had a quest to finish. They still needed to stop Malak. And save Bastila.
"Commentary: I am... experiencing something unusual, master," HK broke into the conversation.
"Everyone stand back!" was her first reaction. When an assassination droid says something like that... but HK assured her there was nothing to worry about.
As the amazing truth about its origins was revealed Shin felt like laughing. No surprise, then, that she had liked HK from the start – she had designed him, after all.
"Welcome home, pet," she whispered, unable to stop the smile.
Then it died down when she turned to face the others to ask the most difficult question: could they still trust her?
Mission and Zaalbar were a balm to her soul with their instant confidence. Canderous would follow Revan if need be, and if a good fight was on offer. Juhani, Jolee... She even asked T3 to postpone the moment she had to turn her eyes on Carth, to meet the gaze of a cold stranger that had replaced the man she had fallen in love with.
His vote of confidence was reluctant and came with qualifications. "As long as this mission stays on course I'll stick with you. But I won't let you betray the Republic under any circumstances!"
But he would still work with her. That was the most important thing to Shin. Because it meant that on some level he still trusted her. Or at least wanted to trust her.
After a silent moment Carth went on with a quieter voice. "I can't even imagine what you must be going through right now."
She felt like crying and laughing at the same time. The tears won, and she met his eyes although she couldn't see if their expression had softened any because of the sheen of tears. "After everything I've been and done, and after everything you said... you're still the one person to think about that."
She turned her back on everyone and walked away with reserved dignity. She was walking in the wrong direction to get to her cabin but as she would have had to walk past the others to get there... she couldn't stand another moment in their company. She couldn't stay strong any longer. What she must be going through... And the only one to think about her feelings was the man who now hated and distrusted her. Was it any wonder she loved him?
She ended up in the med bay, and sat down in the farthest corner. She needed to think. And she needed to cry.
- - - -
Onwards to Chapter 24!
Author: Niki
Fandom: SW: KotOR
Disclaimer: Still not mine.
Notes: I take some liberties with the dialogue and story lines... even some characters. This is called 'creative licence' aka 'so I didn’t remember the exact wording of that line' aka 'but it made no SENSE in the game'.
Previous parts: Prologue, Chapter 1, Interlude, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14, Chapter 15, Chapter 16, Chapter 17, Chapter 18, Chapter 19, Chapter 20, Chapter 21 and Chapter 22
Chapter 23: Unmasking
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
No... nonononono... it wasn't true, it couldn't be true!
Shin stared at the Sith in front of them, trying to make sense of his words. Even though a part of her mind was screaming in denial the analytical side of her was going through the evidence, all the small clues she really should have pieced together – and there was a bit of her, deep down, mocking her for not getting it sooner.
Her convenient memory loss, her re-learnt skills... the bond, Bastila's refusal to spell out what really happened to Revan during that last fight...
And the bit that really broke her heart? It was too much, too abstract to think about all the horrible things Revan had done. All she could think about was Carth. She'd finally earned his trust and then this. She'd never... He'd never recover from this. He would see it as a betrayal equalling that of Saul Karath's.
His distance since his final discussion with dying Saul made sense now. No wonder he had refused to talk to her or even walk close to her, no wonder he had looked at Bastila with anger in his eyes. Bastila had known, and had kept both of them in the dark.
It made sense she wasn't told, really. Of course it did. But that Bastila never shared the truth with Carth...
Did she blame her or the Jedi? She couldn't. What better way to defeat your enemy than by getting them to fight for your side? She couldn't fault them for that. Too much was at stake here. But the fact that they had kept it from Carth, causing him this pain of yet another betrayal...
What did it matter if Malak killed her now? What did she have to look forward to?
An image of Shaela Nuur came to her mind. This is what she had felt, like she had lost everything, like nothing was worth the effort of another breath anymore. But Carth wasn't dead. And he wouldn't die here if Shin could help it! She couldn't let her pain and loss distract her from what was important. She still needed to save the galaxy – for him.
"My name is Shin Cidon," she said quietly but clearly, hardly noticing the tears running down her face. "I am a Jedi. And I will stop you."
- - -
No one was there to witness their fight, Carth and Bastila in stasis behind them. Shin had been Malak's master, once. She had been a Jedi Knight, a Sith Lord. Even if she couldn't remember those days she knew she had the skills somewhere, and everyday they came back a little more.
She was winning.
Malak ran away, and she followed, engaging him again – then, out of nowhere, Bastila was there, being all noble and pushing her away.
Why would she be the one that needed to be saved? Bastila could find the Star Maps without her, if only she didn't...
"Bastila! No! I had him! Damn," she shouted her frustration, banging her fist against the door that had locked behind the fighting pair.
Then Carth was there, pulling her away.
"I was winning! Bastila has no chance!" she yelled, struggling out of his grip.
"This was her choice," he said grimly, dragging her towards their ship. "To sacrifice herself to save you! You will not waste it." He sounded like he couldn't understand the young Jedi's choice, and didn't approve at all.
Shin... Revan couldn't blame him.
- - -
Shin was numb by the time they reached the Hawk.
"Go," Carth commanded, grimly, making his way to the cockpit.
"What about Bastila?" Mission shouted after him.
"Go!"
Shin stood where Carth had left her, staring into the distance, hardly noticing the other people in the room. She was still in the same position when Carth returned after setting the ship on autopilot.
He looked at her for the first time since they had left the bridge of Leviathan and Shin winced at the amount of rage in his eyes. So like Dustil's, she mused. Rage and bitterness. Betrayal.
"They deserve to know the truth about you. Do you want to tell them what Malak said, or should I?" he asked coldly.
"I'll tell them," she whispered, lowering her gaze. Then, with a stronger voice, "I... I am, was Darth Revan."
She felt detached when cataloging people's reactions. Jolee was not surprised. He'd known. Juhani had suspected her true identity, most likely from her resemblance to the Jedi that once saved her. Mission... Mission was flabbergasted and loud.
"What? How is that possible?"
"When Bastila was part of the Jedi strike team that took down Revan... me, she used Force to keep... me alive. That created the bond. The shared visions... my hidden memories, or course." She closed her eyes, a tear escaping when she thought about all the lies she had been told. "My mind was... destroyed. The Jedi council planted a new identity, a new... me. They created 'Shin Cidon' to help them follow Revan's footsteps, to defeat Malak."
"Do you... remember anything about being Revan?" Mission asked.
"What I had thought were dreams and visions are obviously memories but...I feel no connection with those, no emotional response. I can't class them as memories, really. And beyond those... Nothing."
"Then it's okay, isn't it? I mean, if you don't remember anything about being Revan, then it doesn't really matter anymore. You are who you are now."
That was when Carth exploded, all the pain and feeling of betrayal pouring out. It was Canderous who came to her defence. "Everyone knows Malak gave the order about Telos." And Mission, faithful Mission, also joined in. "Whatever you used to be, you're one of us now!"
Maybe so, but who was responsible for Malak in the first place? Who had began all this? That thought only reminded Shin – she couldn't think of herself as anyone else – that they still had a quest to finish. They still needed to stop Malak. And save Bastila.
"Commentary: I am... experiencing something unusual, master," HK broke into the conversation.
"Everyone stand back!" was her first reaction. When an assassination droid says something like that... but HK assured her there was nothing to worry about.
As the amazing truth about its origins was revealed Shin felt like laughing. No surprise, then, that she had liked HK from the start – she had designed him, after all.
"Welcome home, pet," she whispered, unable to stop the smile.
Then it died down when she turned to face the others to ask the most difficult question: could they still trust her?
Mission and Zaalbar were a balm to her soul with their instant confidence. Canderous would follow Revan if need be, and if a good fight was on offer. Juhani, Jolee... She even asked T3 to postpone the moment she had to turn her eyes on Carth, to meet the gaze of a cold stranger that had replaced the man she had fallen in love with.
His vote of confidence was reluctant and came with qualifications. "As long as this mission stays on course I'll stick with you. But I won't let you betray the Republic under any circumstances!"
But he would still work with her. That was the most important thing to Shin. Because it meant that on some level he still trusted her. Or at least wanted to trust her.
After a silent moment Carth went on with a quieter voice. "I can't even imagine what you must be going through right now."
She felt like crying and laughing at the same time. The tears won, and she met his eyes although she couldn't see if their expression had softened any because of the sheen of tears. "After everything I've been and done, and after everything you said... you're still the one person to think about that."
She turned her back on everyone and walked away with reserved dignity. She was walking in the wrong direction to get to her cabin but as she would have had to walk past the others to get there... she couldn't stand another moment in their company. She couldn't stay strong any longer. What she must be going through... And the only one to think about her feelings was the man who now hated and distrusted her. Was it any wonder she loved him?
She ended up in the med bay, and sat down in the farthest corner. She needed to think. And she needed to cry.
- - - -
Onwards to Chapter 24!