Niki (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
niki_chidon) wrote2011-06-08 02:31 pm
niki_chidon) wrote2011-06-08 02:31 pm
Entry tags:
- carth,
- carth/revan,
- female revan,
- femrevan,
- fic,
- het,
- kotor,
- notor,
- star wars
Fic: Nights of the Old Republic (KotOR, Carth/female Revan)
I suck, but I haven't abandoned the fic!
Title: Nights of the Old Republic (27/?): On the Rocky Road to Ahto Town
Author: Niki
Fandom: SW: KotOR
Disclaimer: Still not mine.
Notes: Yes, it happened to me. Twice.
Previous parts: Prologue, Chapter 1, Interlude, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14, Chapter 15, Chapter 16, Chapter 17, Chapter 18, Chapter 19, Chapter 20, Chapter 21, Chapter 22, Chapter 23, Chapter 24 and Chapter 25
Chapter 26: On the Rocky Road to Ahto Town
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Mission was sitting in the galley with Jolee when Shin walked in, looking pale and tired.
"You okay?" Mission asked, pulling out a chair for her while Jolee got up to get her a drink.
"I had the weirdest dream last night," Shin said when she had settled.
"Good weird or bad weird?"
"Weird weird. And, well, maybe bad weird."
"Not a vision?" Jolee checked.
"No! Well, I hope not. I mean, it had nothing to do with Revan."
She kept her eyes on the table while she hesitantly started to explain her dream.
"It was... after a space battle against some Sith fighters. I noticed that Juhani was missing and instead we had two Zaalbars."
"Two wookiees?"
"No, two Zaalbars, specifically. And no one but me thought that odd. And there was a strange droid in the cockpit who told me he could take the ship anywhere I wanted to – Endar Spire, Taris... Dantooine."
Shin took a deep breath.
"So I said, take me to Dantooine. I knew it was gone. I knew everyone was dead. But it the dream... I wanted to see the ruins. For it to be real."
"Bad weird?" guessed Mission.
"The worst. You see... everything was just as we'd left it. Everyone was there, alive, and I tried to warn them, you know, tell them the Sith were coming, to tell them how our quest was going... I tried talking to the Council but they refused to discuss any subject I wanted to address and it was so horrible to stand there, knowing they were already dead, really, and what I was seeing was a mirage..."
She closed her eyes tightly to keep the tears from escaping.
"I don't know if I trusted them, or even liked them, but... They're Jedi, they shouldn't... the dark side shouldn't win!"
"Malak hasn't won yet, Shin, we'll kick his ass," Mission said confidently and Shin wished she could share her enthusiasm.
Her dream had made her think about another thing she had been thinking about, ever since learning that she was Revan. She hadn't mentioned her doubts to anyone before, not even Carth. Maybe especially not Carth. He was still worried about the dark side, and what were her thoughts but a first step on that path?
"I wish I could just go back, to talk to Master Vandar. The Council's warnings about the 'all too familiar path' make a lot more sense, now. Yet in a way, part of me is glad I'm not beholden to them anymore," she confessed, quietly.
"They threw me – us – to the kath hounds unprepared. I can see how Revan got fed up with them withholding information and being purposefully mysterious. Part of me even blames Juhani's teacher for her brief detour to the dark side! How much was it her fault, the way she handled it? And I know these thoughts are dangerous. Doubts, arrogance, anger... and then I remember they're gone. And we – we – are the best hope of saving the galaxy and... and I don't feel so arrogant anymore. We've come so far on pure luck and determination but when is that going to run out? Malak's got Bastila already. And part of me feels that I have to become Revan to be able to see this through – that we might need to know what she knew... and I am so damn afraid that if that happens, she won't help you but betray you."
"She is you, Shin," Jolee said with conviction, sounding more like a Jedi now than a crazy old man. "You seem to think that you're going to disappear if 'Revan' appears. But you are as real a person as she is. Even if you were to regain your memories, that's what it would be – you regaining some of your memories – not this other person taking over your body."
"Is that a promise?" Shin asked, only partly as a joke.
"The Jedi Council can do many things, and the Force is a powerful ally, but it cannot create life. It did not create you. Well, not in the way you mean, anyway. All life is manifestation of the Force, and as to whether it creates life or life creates it..." he let his voice fall to the rambling mode, and Mission rolled her eyes.
Shin smiled at her, gratefully.
She had to put the horrors of the nightmare out of her mind, just as she had had to put the fate of Taris out of her mind. Not even in the queue, just buried somewhere, maybe to be dug up after everything was over. Maybe not. Maybe new horrors would drown them out forever.
No. She would never forget Taris. Not the people, nor that little room in which she had kissed Carth for the first time. But she had to not think about it, had to not think about Dantooine, had to not think about Bastila. During the first days she had occasionally sensed her pain through their bond but the other woman was shielding so hard nothing else got through. Shin could only be grateful, yet vaguely guilty at the same time.
Jolee was still rambling about the nature of the Force, and even though Shin usually found even his ramblings interesting, she just couldn't concentrate on it at the moment.
"Thanks, both of you," she said, getting up. "I feel better."
Not much better, though. For that she would need Carth. But would he be up to reassuring Revan?
Besides, they would land soon. Time to concentrate on finding the last (she hoped, as they were running out of places to look) Star Map.
- - -
Title: Nights of the Old Republic (27/?): On the Rocky Road to Ahto Town
Author: Niki
Fandom: SW: KotOR
Disclaimer: Still not mine.
Notes: Yes, it happened to me. Twice.
Previous parts: Prologue, Chapter 1, Interlude, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14, Chapter 15, Chapter 16, Chapter 17, Chapter 18, Chapter 19, Chapter 20, Chapter 21, Chapter 22, Chapter 23, Chapter 24 and Chapter 25
Chapter 26: On the Rocky Road to Ahto Town
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Mission was sitting in the galley with Jolee when Shin walked in, looking pale and tired.
"You okay?" Mission asked, pulling out a chair for her while Jolee got up to get her a drink.
"I had the weirdest dream last night," Shin said when she had settled.
"Good weird or bad weird?"
"Weird weird. And, well, maybe bad weird."
"Not a vision?" Jolee checked.
"No! Well, I hope not. I mean, it had nothing to do with Revan."
She kept her eyes on the table while she hesitantly started to explain her dream.
"It was... after a space battle against some Sith fighters. I noticed that Juhani was missing and instead we had two Zaalbars."
"Two wookiees?"
"No, two Zaalbars, specifically. And no one but me thought that odd. And there was a strange droid in the cockpit who told me he could take the ship anywhere I wanted to – Endar Spire, Taris... Dantooine."
Shin took a deep breath.
"So I said, take me to Dantooine. I knew it was gone. I knew everyone was dead. But it the dream... I wanted to see the ruins. For it to be real."
"Bad weird?" guessed Mission.
"The worst. You see... everything was just as we'd left it. Everyone was there, alive, and I tried to warn them, you know, tell them the Sith were coming, to tell them how our quest was going... I tried talking to the Council but they refused to discuss any subject I wanted to address and it was so horrible to stand there, knowing they were already dead, really, and what I was seeing was a mirage..."
She closed her eyes tightly to keep the tears from escaping.
"I don't know if I trusted them, or even liked them, but... They're Jedi, they shouldn't... the dark side shouldn't win!"
"Malak hasn't won yet, Shin, we'll kick his ass," Mission said confidently and Shin wished she could share her enthusiasm.
Her dream had made her think about another thing she had been thinking about, ever since learning that she was Revan. She hadn't mentioned her doubts to anyone before, not even Carth. Maybe especially not Carth. He was still worried about the dark side, and what were her thoughts but a first step on that path?
"I wish I could just go back, to talk to Master Vandar. The Council's warnings about the 'all too familiar path' make a lot more sense, now. Yet in a way, part of me is glad I'm not beholden to them anymore," she confessed, quietly.
"They threw me – us – to the kath hounds unprepared. I can see how Revan got fed up with them withholding information and being purposefully mysterious. Part of me even blames Juhani's teacher for her brief detour to the dark side! How much was it her fault, the way she handled it? And I know these thoughts are dangerous. Doubts, arrogance, anger... and then I remember they're gone. And we – we – are the best hope of saving the galaxy and... and I don't feel so arrogant anymore. We've come so far on pure luck and determination but when is that going to run out? Malak's got Bastila already. And part of me feels that I have to become Revan to be able to see this through – that we might need to know what she knew... and I am so damn afraid that if that happens, she won't help you but betray you."
"She is you, Shin," Jolee said with conviction, sounding more like a Jedi now than a crazy old man. "You seem to think that you're going to disappear if 'Revan' appears. But you are as real a person as she is. Even if you were to regain your memories, that's what it would be – you regaining some of your memories – not this other person taking over your body."
"Is that a promise?" Shin asked, only partly as a joke.
"The Jedi Council can do many things, and the Force is a powerful ally, but it cannot create life. It did not create you. Well, not in the way you mean, anyway. All life is manifestation of the Force, and as to whether it creates life or life creates it..." he let his voice fall to the rambling mode, and Mission rolled her eyes.
Shin smiled at her, gratefully.
She had to put the horrors of the nightmare out of her mind, just as she had had to put the fate of Taris out of her mind. Not even in the queue, just buried somewhere, maybe to be dug up after everything was over. Maybe not. Maybe new horrors would drown them out forever.
No. She would never forget Taris. Not the people, nor that little room in which she had kissed Carth for the first time. But she had to not think about it, had to not think about Dantooine, had to not think about Bastila. During the first days she had occasionally sensed her pain through their bond but the other woman was shielding so hard nothing else got through. Shin could only be grateful, yet vaguely guilty at the same time.
Jolee was still rambling about the nature of the Force, and even though Shin usually found even his ramblings interesting, she just couldn't concentrate on it at the moment.
"Thanks, both of you," she said, getting up. "I feel better."
Not much better, though. For that she would need Carth. But would he be up to reassuring Revan?
Besides, they would land soon. Time to concentrate on finding the last (she hoped, as they were running out of places to look) Star Map.
- - -
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Love this series! Keep it up! I'll add some more stuff to this comment later (the iPod Touch isn't optimized for this kind of thing).
Faithful Reader signing out!
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